337. Three months in two paragraphs

I’m really sorry that I have neglected this site for so long! Since I last updated I have had time to do a lot of things, and now when I finally got around to it, I thought I would tell you a little about it.

During the last weeks of summer I managed to visit three different countries that I had never been to before! I don’t really understand how it happened actually, but by a pure coincident I ended up going to Krakow in Poland to attend our friends’ wedding, to Amsterdam in the Netherlands with Phill and his parents and to Tallinn in Estonia to attend a conference with my collegues from the placement last year, all within ONE MONTH! To be honest, it was a little too much for my taste and after the final journey I caught a really bad cold. But I shouldn’t complain, because I loved each of the three trips and fell around with the countries one at a time. The Polish countryside was beautiful and their food was delicious. The water lands outside of Amsterdam was also gorgeous and I thought that Amsterdam itself was a really nice place too. But when it comes to charm I have to say that the old town in Tallinn took the prize!.. Basically, I would love to return to each of the three places and I feel so fortunate to have had the opportunity to visit them.

Then the university term started and I was instantly overloaded with assignments, texts to read and projects to plan. Everything has been rolling forward fast, as usual when you have a lot to do.  We have been meeting with friends, going to the gym, studying, working etc. Two weeks ago my family visited us here and I finally got to show them our flat and some nice places in town which I have discovered since last time they were here. Now I only have four weeks left until the Christmas break, but I have two oral presentations, one exam, and three essays to write. Plus at least one PhD interview… How is this going to end!? Well, it will just have to work out – which it luckily does most of the time – and then Phill and I are going on our Christmas holiday to Sweden! But we actually have another little trip booked before that; Three weeks from now, we are going to Oxford to visit his Phill’s parents who recently moved there. We are going to a Carol service in one of the university colleges together (and there will be mince pies and mulled wine too), so it will be like a little mini-Christmas celebration in advance, which is very nice since we won’t be with them for the actually Christmas holiday this year.

It’s difficult to recall everything that has happened in three months, so I’m afraid I’m going to leave it at this.

What have you been up to since last time?

Early this summer.. just because it’s long ago now and I like this picture!

The Polish wedding cake at our friends’ wedding!

Beautiful Marken in the Netherlands

336. Hear the Rain

It’s been raining very heavily on and off for a few days here in Nottingham (wish that we could send some of it to the huge forest fire in Sweden) and this morning I felt so grateful for the peaceful sound of water drumming against the windows as I was cleaning up in the livingroom.

I am such an old lady in some respects. I really don’t like being up after midnight and I really like cleaning.

No, I don’t actually like cleaning, but if a room is messy I feel awful, and then it feels so satisfying to clean it. The funny thing to note is that I can cope reasonably well with my own messes, the ones that I have created and sort of have an order in even though it looks terrible, but when other people have done as little as moved a chair  or left  pile of papers out I feel really stressed about it. I have been told more than once that I am a control freak, and I guess this is one way in which it shows.( And I guess that you could also say that I’m turning into my mum, who may not be a control freak but who also hates when people leave things lying around where they are not supposed to be).

When it comes to going out or staying up late, I’m that person whose eyes begin to fall shut and who can’t appreciate my friends’ company after a certain time. Don’t get me wrong here, I love my friends and I do enjoy hanging out. I just can’t stay awake until 3 am… I’m quite sad and annoyed about this when I think about it from one angle: I don’t want to be boring and ruin the evenings for others. But when I look at it from a purely egoistic point of view, I realise that although it is a bit of a social handicap, I don’t personally mind if I come across as a “grandma” as long as I get to feel good (i.e. go home and sleep). This conclusion has developed over a few years time and I now have the attitude that I can come out with friends and occassionally even stay up super late, making an effort “for the team”, but most of the time I want a reasonable night’s sleep and I don’t care what people think. But I haven’t always had the confidence to have that carefree attitude. my first year at uni I went out much less than many others, but sooo much more than I ever had before. I enjoyed it sometimes, but the whole lifestyle just made me feel so anxious a lot of the time, not because it was a bad lifestyle, but because it just wasn’t and isn’t my thing to be up all night.

Last night when Phill and his friend had stopped working on their music in our apartment, they wanted to go out to a local pub for a little while. They asked if I wanted to come along, and although I hadn’t planned to in advance I thought that it might be nice to sit down and chat. Especially since I hadn’t talked to S properly in ages. So we all went, and it was nice. We had lot’s of fun, but then around half past twelve, I felt how my body started to shut down and demand sleep as it always does. But the guys were having a good time and didn’t want to leave yet, so we stayed a little longer. When I made it clear that I kind of wanted to go home, we all went back to our place again and the guys sat down to continue talking for a while in our living room. I stuck my head into the room and considered for a second whether I should join them a little more. But then I just felt my whole body protest and scream: “NO, GO TO BED”. So I did, leaving the others behind.

This morning when I woke up, I had a knot in my stomach. I felt bad because I had been “the boring one” again. And I also felt bad because it makes me sad that whenever somebody wants to hang out it has to be “all or nothing”. I would love to do things pretty much every day if it was enough to meet for a few hours in the afternoon! Anyway, with this knot in my stomach I got out of bed and into the livingroom. And there I noticed two things. Number 1: The guys had left some guitars and cables out, and moved the sofa table a bit. Number 2: It was raining heavily outside. And somehow, both of these discoveries made me feel oddly better. I walked around the room, putting things back into place in a therapeutic way and listening to the rain, and when I was done the knot was gone!

So maybe I am an “old lady”. But at least I am a happy old lady!

335. Home

I thought I would write a line or two about how much I love our new apartment. Like I told you earlier, Phill and I moved from his old house to our new mutual flat about one week ago.

During this first week, we have bought a fresh IKEA desk for Phill. We have put up paintings and photos of us and of people we like. We have put up our old map of Scandinavia which we bought the first time Phill visited in Uppsala and which means a lot to us. Phill has set up his music equipment and I have baked in the kitchen and gotten to know all the cupboards and shelves!  In other words, we have both had time to get to know the place and make it a home.  Our home!

It’s the first place that I have lived in since I moved from home for the first time (when I was nineteen) which doesn’t feel explicitly as a student accommodation. Instead it is a cute little three room (2 bedroom) apartment, which is actually in good shape. Every day when I wake up and go to our kitchen to make some breakfast I feel so happy to know that I live here now. I guess this is just me hyping again, as I often do about things, but I am enjoying it and I hope it lasts for a long time!

Take care

 

334. What we want to be or not to be when we grow up

As a child and in my early teens, one of my favourite activities used to be to make my own magazines. They all used to have different themes (eg. love, animals, games etc). and I used to design and write everything from scratch. I wrote interviews with pretend-celebrities, made cartoon strips, fashion articles, music reviews, question and answer sections and more! I was basically the journalists, the photographers, the graphic designers and the editor all at once. I remember making three issues of the love-themed magazine “Lovepaper” with my friend S, and making about 5 issues of the kids magazine “Lyllos”, which I tried to convince my brother was a “real” magazine, and many other short-lived papers. I have always loved doing things like that, diverse activities, where I get to use my hands and be creative. I still do, although I suppose that nowadays it is my two blogs, the poetry I sometimes write and the birthday cards I sometimes design that serve to give me my creative outlet. (And taking pretty pictures to put on instagram if that counts?)

Occasionally I ask myself if journalism would better fulfil that creative need I have than research will? I’m not sure. We can never be sure.

If you have followed this blog for a while you will know that one of the main topics in my life in recent years has been and still is to a certain extent to “find out what I want to do”. When I voiced a concern about not knowing for sure what I wanted to do about 6 months after my graduation from secondary school, an older neighbour who overheard me said (in different words) that I was being silly. I was so young, there was plenty of time, I didn’t have to decide immediately.  Believe me, my friends and I have become very familiar with those arguments since then. But first of all, it doesn’t help to hear that you don’t have to worry, because not knowing makes most people worried automatically.. and secondly, I sort of think that seeking “your place” and worrying is good in a way, because it makes you  think about it and keep searching which is essential to finally get where you want to get!

When I graduated from secondary school, I didn’t know where I wanted to end up, but I had many potential ideas. Throughout my university years I have considered most of these possibilities, such as being a teacher, being a writer, being a journalist, being a psychologist…. oh, and being a researcher of course. About a year ago I then had a very important conversation with Phill. It wasn’t planned or anything; one day we just started talking about what my realistic options would be after my neuroscience degree. I could possibly become a teacher, I could become a scientific writer or a science journalist, or work with a branch of research which genuinely interests me. I could also study for 5-ish more years to become a qualified psychologist. Since I didn’t really fancy another 5 years in the school bench, I decided that the psychologist alternative wasn’t an option at the moment (I might still consider it later in life if I change my mind). Instead we started discussing what I liked the most about the different other options: Teaching attracts me because I want to work with children, but I’m afraid of all the hard work outside of working hours. Journalism appeals to me because of it’s creative aspect and because I like writing, but I don’t really fancy the stressful deadlines and writers block – I’m afraid that working with writing will kill the fun I get out of it as a hobby. Finally, we got to research  and we realised that if I get to work with clinical research, preferably with children, then being a researcher involves all the things I’m looking for; You work with people, you get to write a lot, and you get to be creative! And that’s when I decided that I had found my future career. So for a year now, I haven’t had to worry, and that has been fantastic. In addition, I was fortunate enough to “try out” my future career during my long placement in Stockholm. Luckily, it didn’t scare me off but rather confirmed that it’s a job for me.

But of course, there are aspects of being a researcher which I don’t like. And there are aspects of the professions which I decided not to go for which I wonder whether I will miss. Like the creativity of writing. And tonight I realised that maybe that old neighbour and all the other people who have tried to be supportive over the years just had bad timing?  Maybe it is now, when I have already spent three years worrying and thinking and figuring things out, that I can finally properly appreciate those words:  I am so young, there is plenty of time, I don’t have to decide immediately. 

Basically, I have a plan. But if plan A fails, I also have a plan B and a plan C. There is time for multiple plans in life. That’s a reassuring thought!

333. Take a break

Hi guys,

Phill and I have spent the last few days moving into our new apartment and visiting IKEA to get some new things. The move went well and the IKEA trip was great  (we were both ridiculously happy to see the Swedish flag next to the British flag outside the shop and to be able to stock up on some Swedish food), but both involved a lot of lifting, carrying and walking, so it was undoubtedly hard work. Therefore, I feel really tired today and am currently relaxing and listening to some music that makes me happy!

For example this song, which brings back some lovely memories for me:

 

332. Emotions

A while ago it occurred to me that it’s been a long time since I devoted a blog post to my emotions; you know, those posts that start with “I have been feeling down lately….” or “I’m so happy that I don’t know what to do with myself! “. I don’t necessarily think that there is anything wrong with writing about how you feel, and a lot of the time it really helps me to work through things, but when I realised that my posts haven’t had that character recently I couldn’t help thinking that it was a good sign. The fact that I haven’t seen a reason to describe my ups and downs here is a clear sign that I have been feeling quite good and balanced recently; perhaps not euphoric,  but stable and harmonic, just the way I want to be. Of course,  the explanation could also be that I have Phill to talk to now and therefore don’t feel the same need to write about things here… but even if that might be part of it, I do genuinely feel that over all this has been a good and “emotionally balanced” summer for me so far.

Take care everyone 🙂

331. Strike is back!

Last time when Phill came back from London he brought a very appreciated gift for me: The book The Silkworm!

The Silkworm is the second book depicting the life of private detective and ex-soldier Cormoran Strike as he tries to solve cases as well as sort out his own life. The first book in the series is called The Cuckoo’s Calling, and I really enjoyed it when I read it in January this year. Then again, that was only to be expected since the author is none other than my all time favourite; J K Rowling (although this time she writes under the pseudonym Robert Galbraith). So far I have never been disappointed by any of her books,  and I was obviously hoping that  the same would be the case with The Silkworm.

I have now read almost 200 pages, and so far the Silkworm lives up to my high expectations.  In fact,  I find that this book is even better than the Cuckoo’s Calling! The plot is interesting and takes unexpected turns, the case Strike is investigating is gruesome, and ( as in all Rowling’s novels) the book is full of fantastic well developed characters.  In other words,  I really recommend it!

Have a nice day everyone! I am going to spend it reading…

330. Films

Another nice thing about summer is that there are so many new films being released in the cinemas, and that you have a lot of free time which allows you to go and see said films. Personally I have recently seen two new films which I thoroughly enjoyed and would like to recommend to you:

• BOYHOOD – On the day before I left London, I went to see this film with Phill and his parents. It is a quite unusual film; during three hours (!) you get to follow a young boy and his family as he grows up. The extraordinary thing about this particular project is that they started making the film when the actor was actually 8 years old, and then they have continued to film new scenes during 12 years time until the end of the film when the main character is 20. In other words, we follow the actors as they themselves grow older! And although the family goes through some tumultuous times, the film in itself isn’t super eventful, there are no huge dramatic surprises, but instead the viewer really gets to follow a quite ordinary boy as he goes through different stages of developing and finding himself in this world. All four of us really enjoyed this special cinema experience (it felt much shorter than three hours!), and particularly Phill and I who grew up in the same generation as the boy in the film could recognize ourselves at times during the film!

 

• BEGIN AGAIN – The other day I went with my friend M and a few old school friends of hers to see the film Begin Again (starring Kiera Knightly and Mark Ruffalo). This film is also a bit different from other films in it’s genre; It is in a sense a romantic drama… or at least it gives shine of being one for large parts of the film, but a more appropriate classification might actually be “musical drama”. Because it is all about the music; The main characters are the song writer Gretta who has come to New York to support her boyfriend in his music career but who instead ends up breaking up with him, and the former music producer and label owner who has just lost his job and family. The two bond over their love for music and decide to make an unusual album together… Watch this if you like cleverly built up films and surprising turns in the story!

 

329. A Monday in July

One of the good things about campus in the summer, apart from it being incredibly beautiful, is that it is much quieter in the libraries than during term time.

 

Even though we spend a lot of time doing fun holiday things, such as boating on the lake, having picnics in parks and going to the cinema, Phill and I both need to do some work as well. Personally, I am quite flexible since I have completed most of my course work, but I still have things that I need to/want to do. And Phill, who is his own boss, has been looking forward to having an opportunity to work uninterrupted on his music and band administration. Therefore we have decided that this will be a “work week”, so today I left the house after lunch and walked to the library.

And now to the point that I began with; It was so calm and nice there! I was sitting in one of the best spots which I can only dream about getting during term time, and it was almost completely quiet around me, but not in that uncomfortable way which makes you afraid to move at all because you might disturb someone. After about three hours I felt satisfied with what I had done, so I started walking home again, but I didn’t walk straight back because on the way I stopped and handed in a CV in a shop where I think I would enjoy working. I doubt that I will get a job with them, but you know, it doesn’t hurt to try!

This evening we are cooking chicken with mushrooms and pepper. Cooking is one of our favourite activities and I bought a few cook books for Phill’s birthday, so right now we feel excited to try all the new recipes…. What are you eating tonight?

Take care!

328. I have a thing for flower photos at the moment